


about the moon, the stars and other drunken mistakes

by bluesmoke, kamomiru



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Humor, Awkwardness, Birthday, Birthday Sex, Birthday Smut, Blow Jobs, Bottom Sirius Black, Humor, James cries, Light Angst, Lily Evans is confused, M/M, POV James Potter, POV Lily Evans Potter, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Sex in the Forbidden Forest, Shameless Smut, Smut, Top Remus Lupin, Underage Drinking, big dick energy, situational humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-14 01:33:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18042938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesmoke/pseuds/bluesmoke, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamomiru/pseuds/kamomiru
Summary: With the head heavy, his body aching and Sirius on his shoulder, Remus feels that the world is a better place and every piece, every little scattered piece, is in order.(or: Something happens between Sirius and Remus, and James cries)





	1. Chapter 1

Remus wakes up with a strange warmth in the chest. He opens his eyes a little but the light is blinding and he closes them immediately. He is not in his room or in his bed. With his eyes closed, he tries to figure out where he is, but in his head there is a disturbing buzz that stops him from thinking. His body aches - he acknowledges this, but it hurts in an unusual way. He tries to open his eyes once again and this time the light is less irritating - but in return, his head begins to spin.

After several minutes Remus figures out two things. First, he is in the forest. He is lying under a tree, his head on a root. Second, there is a weight on his shoulder and that weight smells like Sirius. Remus turns towards him and his neck muscles stretch painfully.

Sirius is beautiful with his long dark eyelashes almost above his cheeks and with his half open lips, red and swollen. His hair falls all over his smooth face, pale like porcelain. Remus’ heart warms up and a weak smile shows up on his face. With the head heavy, the aching body and Sirius on his shoulder, Remus feels that the world is a better place and every piece, every little scattered piece, is in order.

And suddenly, he finds out. His heart stops and then begins to beat hysterically. “Oh Merlin!” He almost screams and after he puts his free hand on his mouth and, scared, turns towards Sirius. He is still sleeping.

Remus raises the head and looks at his body. He is totally naked. Totally naked. Sirius, next to him, with an arm on Remus’ chest and a leg on Remus’ laps and the head on Remus’ shoulder, is totally naked. Totally naked.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. Calm down, Remus. Calm down. You can do this.” He whispers pushing away Sirius’ legs from his. “Good boy, Remus. Now breath. In and out, in and out.” He pushes away his hand. “Yes, yes!” He says too loud. “Shh! You want to wake him up? Be quiet!” Remus closes his eyes, breathes deeply and begins to slip out from Sirius’ head, slowly.

Sirius is a heavy sleeper and Remus manages to entirely slip out. He gently lays Sirius’ head down the grass and stops for a few seconds looking at him. Not far from them there are his clothes - their clothes. He gets dressed quickly, with breath stuck in the throat. He doesn't remember, he doesn't remember anything. He only knows he has to get away from him.

And he runs towards the castle. He runs like there is the fiercest beast behind his back.

 

\---------------

 

It’s his birthday, and Sirius is happy. He is joyful, ecstatic, delighted. James is the best friend anyone could ask for, Sirius is beaming. And Sirius is, as expected, high as a kite. Remus, sipping slowly from the glass James pushed in his hand, is amazing – and not only because he is the one who brought that amazing, otherworldly gillyweed. No, he is just amazing. So kind, and so thoughtful, and his smile is so sweet. Sirius blinks out of his stupor, and takes a big sip of firewhiskey to get his head back. Or lose it?

“James! Jaimie! Jay! Baby-J!” Sirius is smiling widely, throwing himself on James' laps like a dead weight. James huffs is pain, and then “Sirius! Birthday Boy!” he screams, pinching Sirius cheeks “having fun?”. Sirius nods excitedly and buries his nose in James's belly – he got abs, hard abs. He doesn't like that. “Yes!” he says, his voice weird to his own ears “Thanks, Prongsie! You're the bestest of friends!”.

Remus chuckles and Sirius looks up at him, he looks really good without one of his big ass sweater drawning him. His white undershirt makes him look toned – in that way that isn't too obvious, but makes you look at his arms again and again, just to make sure his shoulders are really that wide. Sirius goes for another sip, but his glass is empty; he looks at James, and he fills it again. What a great pal, that James Potter.

Sirius looks up, and the moon – filtering rather poetically from the Shack’s skylight, or is it just a hole in the roof? Well, the moon is illuminating Moony. Sirius laughs out loud, since his mind is rather funny. “You do look happy" Remus says, giving Sirius one of those smiles. The ones he really loves, where even Remus’ eyes shine a little. “Yes” he says, drowning another glass and filling it again “I really am!" The moon light makes Remus’ smile looks almost unreal, the scars on his face and arms for everyone to see – Sirius drinks.

 

\---------------

 

Remus arrives in the Gryffindor tower running and climbs the stairs pair wise. He enters in his room, thankfully empty, and closes the door behind him. He is breathing fast - hand on his chest, trying to calm himself down. Failing.

His clothes smell like Sirius. His scent is intoxicating, it drives him crazy. He has to take his clothes off and wash them - burn them. But he soon realizes that his own skin smells like Sirius. He needs a shower, he need to rub his skin hard, erase that scent.

Remus goes in the bathroom and locks the door with a spell. He takes his clothes off and walks towards the shower. His mind is full of thoughts, he can't think straight. He walks by the mirror and sees them. Eight scratches on his shoulders - four on each side, long, red and swollen. “Fingernails…” He whispers and then he remembers.

_His heart beats furious in his chest, it almost breaks through the ribcage. He feels a thrill when Sirius raises a leg against his hip. Sirius is shaking, mouth open, like he can't breathe. Remus gets close to Sirius’ face and kisses that spot behind his ear. “Don't shake. I'm here, I'm here.” He chains his eyes to Sirius’ while with his left hand he grabs his leg and goes up - the skin burns under his hand. Sirius is lying on the ground - under him, legs open, hair sprawling, shiny eyes half closed and Remus thinks he is the hottest thing he ever saw._

_His hand keeps going up. Leg - Remus kisses him, hip - he bites his lower lip, ribs - Sirius groans in Remus’ month, chest - Sirius’ eyes rolls, collarbone - “God, Moony”, neck - Remus presses a little and Sirius tries to hold a scream, cheek - Sirius’ eyes get wet. His thumb slowly strokes on Sirius’ lower lip and Remus can't avoid thinking how soft it is and how beautiful every part of his body is._

_Sirius can no longer control himself. Remus watches him tilting his head back, arching against him and moaning out of control. Sirius’ hand run feverish to Remus’ shoulder. He first strokes his skin and then he sticks his fingernails in the flesh. It hurts - he can feel the fingernails seep in the flesh and make it bleed, but is a beautiful pain and Remus would like time to stop and feel that pain forever._

 The memory stops there. “What I have done?”

 

\---------------

 

Sirius loves the moon, and the stars. Maybe not the stars so much, they are useless after all, they don't make much light. But the moon, the moon is like the sun of the night – yes, he is beyond drunk. He knows. Moony is sitting below the window, with his arms behind his head: his biceps are bulging, and his white undershirt has ridden up a bit, showing his barely there abs and the little tail of hair that starts from his navel and ends into his pants. Remus is so hot, and Sirius loves the moon.

“… she is not just beautiful, you know? It's her whole being, her personality and her mind. Lily is perfect, but not perfect: she is not, like, objectively perfect; just perfect for me. For me, Lily is the best". Prongs, for what Sirius could hear, was also absolutely wasted. Sirius looks at Remus, and he sees him smiling, half amused and half frustrated. “… she is the best. She really, really is. She smells like strawberries, her hair smells like strawberries. She looks like a strawberry, when she shouts at me: but a cute strawberry, the cutest, most beautiful strawberry ever." Remus catches his gaze, points at James and rolls his eyes – yes, Sirius agrees. James’ rants on Lily were getting kind of boring, even when sober; but the night of his birthday, drunk out of his mind with alcohol, weed and happiness, it’s just not on. So Sirius stands up, walks to Remus, and takes his hand. “Get up, we're getting out of here" he says to Remus, looking in his deep green eyes and smiling widely. “Yeah?” Remus asks, amusement clear in his watery eyes – his cheeks are flushed and his eyes shiny, he is super out of it too. Sirius can tell. “Yes" Sirius says, while Remus gets up on wobbly legs, still holding his hand “I know more than I ever needed about Evans. It's my birthday, I don't deserve this". Remus laughs, and Sirius loves that laugh like he loves the moon.

They get out of the Shrieking Shack laughing, and running, and still holding hands. They end up in the Forbidden forest – forbidden for everyone else, Sirius has passed so much time in it, that it feel as safe as his dorm room. Sirius lost his shirt a long time ago, and he has his tie hanging from his hair, and the night is chilly and beautiful. Remus is laughing again, shouting at Sirius to stop, to put his cloak on at least. And Sirius loves him, so he takes Remus’ arm and tugs him, running backwards. Obviously, since they're drunk and happy, they fall on the wet grass – and Sirius laughs, with Remus on top of him, also shaking with laughter. And Sirius is happy, he loves the moon.

 

\---------------

 

Remus’ head is going to blow up, he is sure of it. There is pain drumming all over his temples and behind his head. Yesterday was Sirius’ birthday - he remembers this, at least. He bought him a massive chocolate box, and Sirius loved it; a stuffed black dog charmed to bark, and Sirius laughed; and a special edition of that hair lotion he uses, and Sirius screamed.

Sirius was really happy, so he was happy too. He remembers all of them at the Shrieking Shack, he remembers the laughs, Peter with that ridiculous green undershirt, the firewhiskey bottles, Sirius’ bright smile and nothing more. And then there is the awakening next to Sirius - actually with Sirius on him, and the memory of the scratches. Remus is scared he hurt him - he remembers his hands get stronger and stronger on Sirius’ pale skin. He wonders if Sirius has his marks too. He has to have them - big hand shaped bruises all over his body. No, he didn't hurt him. He remembers crystal clear Sirius’ lustful face and the sound of his cries of pleasure. He had sex with Sirius and the awareness makes something trigger inside him. He is upset and he doesn't know if it’s because it happened, or because he doesn't remember it. He can't be honest with himself.

James opens the door suddenly. “Here you are mate!” He yells surprised. “Fuck, James!” Remus says scared. “Where were you? I looked for you for hours!” James begins to take his clothes off. “I left Peter sleeping in the Shack. You know where Sirius is?” Remus turns white and begins to stutter. “I.. I don't…” James looks at him suspiciously - pants halfway down his legs. “Merlin, mate! You are wasted!” He goes through his pockets and grabs a potion bottle. “I collected a favor from that Ravenclaw.” He shakes the bottle. “Hangover potion!” He says with a large smile on his face. “Want some?” Remus looks at him terrified. “N - No, no.”

“You sure?” He asks and Remus nods.  James shrugs and opens the bottle. “A toast to you, Moony!” He swallows all in one sip. And Remus remembers.

_“Take this, take this!” James says unbridled putting a glass in Remus’ hand. “A toast to Sirius, cheers!” James yells and Remus drinks._

_“A toast to us!” James says and Remus drinks._

_“A toast to Lily!” And Remus drinks._

_“A toast to McGonagall!” James fills his glass and he is forced to drink._

_“A toast to the Potions exam I will never pass!” Remus laughs and drinks._

_“A toast to the virginity I will never lose!” He bends over - laughing hard, and drinks._

It is James’ fault, it is all his fault. He made him drink too much. Remus glares at him. James will pay.

 

\---------------

 

The moon looks even bigger now, from the edge of the forest. Sirius feels the grass glued on his sweaty back, the earthy smells of it tangled with his own and Remus'. Remus looks even better now too, naked and sweaty laying on the grass next to him. Sirius looks at the moon, and even the stars now look beautiful – but Remus, he sees clearly when he turns his head to look at him, looks even better.

It's not the moon, that makes Remus’ scar so clear on his skin. It's not the stars that make his hair shiny with sweat, curled slightly on his nape. Not the forest, or the castle, or the wolf himself could take away that beauty from Remus' chest, as it slowly moves up and down with the boy's panting. His eyelashes, closing with sleep and fatigue, drop on his flushed cheeks and Sirius smiles.

He smiles because his skin is sweaty, his breath coming in pants, his cheeks flushed and Remus is next to him. He smiles slightly, and puts his head on Remus' chest - Remus' arms move around his shoulders immediately, one hand tangles in his hair. _And in that moment Sirius feels that the world is a better place and every piece, every little scattered piece, is in order._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_The day after._

James head is, expectedly, killing him. Marauders' birthdays are, allegedly, a big deal: they sung at every meal for Remus, obnoxious love songs with outrageously sweet lyrics; they asked the house elves to prepare a whole meal of favourites for Pete, plus an whole doll house sized castle made of cheese; and the guys had organized a midnight quidditch game for him, plus convinced Evans to wish him happy birthday.

Marauders' birthdays are usually big deals already, but none more than Sirius': the boy had just incredibly boring, if not downright horrible, birthday memories from before he came to Hogwarts; so James made it his mission to give Sirius everything he wished for his birthday, every year. And as the years passed, his ideas and understanding of Sirius’ mind made it better and better: he is happy to declare that this year, as every year before, he outdid himself. His head was pounding, morning light was killing his eyes, and he felt his intestines trying to escape the inside of his body: the perfect morning after, of a perfect birthday night.

“Here you are mate!” James says, as he enters the dorm room, trying to smile through the headache. “Fuck, James!” Remus says scared – he looks horrible, almost like after a full moon. “Where were you? I looked for you for hours!” James begins to take his clothes off, they smell disgusting – as his hair, and everything else of him. He needs a shower, badly. “I left Peter sleeping in the shack. You know where Sirius is?” Remus turns white and begins to stutter. “I.. I don't…” James looks at him suspiciously - pants halfway down his legs. And that's actually starting to worry James: Remus is not the type to lose words for nothing, or to panic. He must have really drunk a lot last night, poor wolf boy.

“Merlin, mate! You are wasted!” He goes through his pockets and grabs a potion bottle – thank Merlin for hungover potions, he knows not even their youth could save him from the tragedy they bring onto themselves. “I collected the favor from that Ravenclaw.” He shakes the bottle to Remus – he is white as a ghost, he looks like he needs it more than James does. “Hangover potion!” He says with a large smile on his face. “Want some?” Remus looks at him terrified. “N... No, no”. “You sure?” He asks and Remus nods, so  James shrugs and opens the bottle. “A toast to you, Moony!” He swallows it all in one go, he really needs it too.

When he looks back at Remus, the boy doesn't look dead anymore – well, he looks dead, but also really angry. James isn't ashamed to admit that a little shiver runs down his spine, Remus’ eyes look just like they do in the first seconds after he turns on the full moon: hungry for flesh and blood. Thankfully, the door opens in that moment and Sirius gets in the room – James is about to jump on him, to hide behind his back and scream for help; but apparently the world is not as he left it the night before.

Sirius looks up, sees Remus, blushes, and runs to the bathroom. James blinks, he cannot believe this: Sirius blushed. Sirius Black didn’t blush, he never did once before in his life – he could talk or do anything, literally anything, without an hint of shame – and still. Sirius Black just left the room with his cheeks aflame.

James’ pants finally hit the floor, his stomach turns – Sirius had just blushed and Remus is still looking at him like he wants to tear his flash apart. This is definitely not the world he left the night before, what the hell happened last night?

\---------------

_The day after the day after, breakfast, 7.26 A.M._

James enters in the Great Hall almost marching. He reaches his usual seat at the Gryffindor table - Remus and Sirius already there. “Here you are!” He says sitting next to Sirius who has Remus in front of him. Both with the head down and the eyes on their plates.

“I went to take a piss and you were there, I come back e you were gone!” James looks at them and notices an unusual flushing on their cheek. There is something wrong today. “Hey guys!” He snaps his fingers twice. “I'm talking to you!” Remus and Sirius raise the head at the same time and - for a split of second, they look in each other eyes, then they lower their heads - again.

James, eyes thinning, keeps his gaze from Sirius to Remus and from Remus to Sirius, many times. “Sirius?” he says, annoying but curious. Sirius turn the head towards him - still down, with a painful neck twisting. “Yeah?” He says raising his eyes, not his head. James sighs, he is going to ask him - again, where he was but Peter shows up.

“Hey Pete!” The boy sits in front of him. James looks at him wrinkling his eyes. “Good morning…” A yawn. “Why I am so sleepy?!?!” Another yawn.

James laughs. “Where did you sleep this time?”

“Inside Remus’ hat. Ah! Remus, where did you buy it? It is so pillowy…” Peter says, as he turns to him. Remus looks at him, but it is like he isn't really looking at him. Peter stares questioning to James and he shrugs, sighing. “Watch me.”

“Hey Sirius..” Elbows on the table, face leaning on the hands. “Mh mh.” Sirius fiddles with his food.

“Are you listening to me?” He says, lifting his eyebrows. “Mh mh.”

“Good. I was wondering… It's true you want to shag McGonagall?”

“Mh mh.” He stabs a pancake piece. “Uuh lovely.” James turns to Peter. “Told you!”

“And it's true you think Snivellus is the most beautiful bloke in Hogwarts?” He looks at Sirius again.

“Mh mh.”

“Oh Merlin! You are going to marry him soon?” James tries, holding a laugh.

“Mh mh.”

“Congratulations mate!” James laughs loudly, but seems that neither Sirius and nor Remus heard him. Peter is really shocked. “What's going on?” He whispers. “Don't ask me…” James says, raising his hands.

“Remus?” He breathes deeply - trying to stay calm.

“Yes.”

“Are you listening to me?” James is losing his temper. “Yes.” he is staring into the void. “You agree to tell all the world your little secret?”

“Yes.” He puts the right hand on his face.

“Would you like to kiss me?” James’ lips blow a kiss. “Yes.”

“With the tongue?” He licks his upper lip. “Yes.”

James looks at them for a few minutes. His best mates don't look at each other, don't talk to each other, don't talk to him. The situation is unsustainable. He snaps, and slaps the hand on the table. “Now you tell me what's going on!”

\---------------

_Two days after the day after, Potions class, 3.05 P.M._

Wednesday afternoon. Two hours of Potions. With Slytherin - James wonders what also can go wrong in that day. He is at his usual desk with Peter. Next to them, Remus and Sirius.

James hates Potions, he hates it as hard as he can but not as much as Remus does.

Remus is shit at it, a danger to the world - his potions catch fire, explode, come alive. Everyone is scared of him and they are right to be. Once, his potion exploded with a loud bang in Peter's face. He had his face colored of blue for four days. Peter refused to be his partner anymore after that and nobody couldn't blame him. But Sirius sacrificed himself for all of them. He became Remus’ partner and helped him. His potions still catch fire - sometimes, still explode - more often, but overall the situation now is better.

The assignment of the day is the Babbling Beverage, a potion that causes the drinker to bubble nonsense. James hopes Remus and Sirius will drink it, to stop that unmotivated silence.

James looks at them. They are as distant as they can from each other - Sirius’ hands shake, Remus stares at his pot. They are unbelievable, this is definitely not the world he left three nights before.

“Pete, I'm going to bring the Aconite. Cut the Dittany, small pieces. Be sure.”

“Don't worry, no one can cuts the Dittany better than me.“

James walks away laughing. He brings five Aconite flowers and winks at Lily, who shows him her middle finger – what an amazing girl she is.

He is still smiling to her when he returns to his desk. “So, master cut, let me - WHAT?” Peter isn't there anymore. “Sirius?” He asks worried. “Yes partner?” He shows a forced smile. “But...where is Peter?”

“Who?” James scowls at him. “Ahhh Peter!” Sirius says, looking like he really just remembered who Peter even was.  “Yeah…” James asks, more worried by the second. “Ah, he wanted to do a partners swap. He begged me to teaming up with Re.. ehm.. Rem…Remus…” Sirius stutters a little and he never stutters. “Sirius, mate, Peter hates being partner with Remus. He still thinks he wants to kill him...what the fuck are you saying?” “I swear to you!”

James is going to answer him but a scream interrupts him. “PETER PETTIGREW, SHUT UP!” James turns to his friends’ desk, but Peter isn't there. He looks at Remus with a big question mark on his face; but Remus - eyes thinning, ignores him shamelessly. “SQUEAK!” James is still shocked and unable to speak when he jumps back in fear. With a hand on the heart, he see a rat - Peter Pettigrew, running away. “Oh Merlin!”

 ---------------

_T_ _hree days after the day after, Quidditch training, 5.32 P.M._

Quidditch training is killing him, literally. A bludger hit him right in the stomach - he never felt this much pain before. Maybe because there has always been Sirius to protect him, or at least tried to slow down the bludgers - during the matches and the trainings. This time, Sirius’ mind is absent, faraway in only Merlin knows what place. James falls from his broomstick  - fortunately he was only few meters from the ground. His back hits the soft grass of the Quidditch field.

Sirius runs towards him. “I'm sorry, mate. I'm so sorry, so sorry.” He kneels in front of him - eyes wet, lips trembles, he is almost going to cry. James is too sorry and too confused to be angry with him. He looks at him - eyes and mouth open. He never saw him in this conditions - only when something happened with his family and he is sure nothing happened with them. But something happened with Remus - definitely.

Sirius, kneeled in front of him - hair sweaty and glued to his forehead: he looks sad, confused and haunted. James just wants to hug him - hold him tight and tell him that anything that happened, they can solve it together; but he knows Sirius isn't a human contact fan when he is like this.

“Everything’s alright, Pads. My ass is strong! There, help me get up.” Sirius reaches out and his shirt sleeve goes up, showing a bruise around the wrist. James holds his hand and stands up. “What is this?” He says touching his wrist. Sirius pales. “Ah… ehm...I crashed it into… into… into the bathroom door last day.” He pulls his wrist and covers it with the sleeve. James doesn't know what to think, but he doesn't ask anything to him - he knows Sirius won't talk. During the way from the field to the dorm room, Sirius stays in silence, lost in his thoughts. James will give anything to know what he is thinking and what he is going through - He is not his Sirius, his mate, the boy always joyful, ecstatic, delighted. And this hurts, also because Sirius doesn't talk with him.

They enters in door room. Remus is there, lying on his bed - hands behind the head. “Moony! Already come back from the library?” he says, faking his cheerfulness. “Yeah, too many people, so… “ Remus has his eyes on James, totally ignoring Sirius. “We are going to take a shower. You coming, Pads?”

“No, no, no!” He says too fast. “Maybe...maybe later.” He blushes. Sirius Black is blushing - again.“But… we always do it together!” he is screaming, panic clear in his own voice.

James and Sirius saw each other grow up. There is never been awkwardness between them. Since second year - when both got into the Quidditch team, they always took showers together. That's always been their moment - they talk, share feeling. And now Sirius, for the first time, doesn't want to.  “I know James…” He calls him James only when he is angry. “... but I don't want to now.” He touches his neck base.

Remus pales, he sees him. He can read the fear on his faces, as the knowledge makes its way on it - Remus knows: he is not aware of what, but he is sure Remus knows. The situation is unreal. James is going to blow, or cry, or slap Sirius, or choke Remus, or scream, or kill them both. Or do it all at the same time.

 ---------------

_Four days after the day after, dorm room, 7.45 P.M._

Allegedly, James Potter doesn't stress – Evans, and often Remus, would argue that he actually doesn't think at all. But James does think, a lot even. He just learned that a lot of problems can't be solved with thinking about it; sometimes you just have to act. But the problem he is dealing with now, it's a different animal from anything he ever dealt with. Remus and Sirius aren't talking, it's been days: they are jumpy and skittish, so quiet it's eerie and almost anxious. It's making James anxious, and worried. “Hey, guys!” he says, entering the dorm room, trying to be cheerful; but the sight before him makes him stop him his trucks.

Remus and Sirius aren't reading together; they are in the same room, but sitting eyes down at opposite ends of the room. It started around third year, Sirius discovered muggle’s literature and Remus decided to share his knowledge and passion with him. Since then, when Remus wasn't obsessing over homework and Sirius didn't have practice, they spent a few hours reading, often on Remus bed piled like puppies. They did coming of age novels last year, and Sirius talked like a pirate for months thanks to Treasure Island – this year they started with old erotic novels, they finished Lady Chatterley's Lover last week, Sirius had been jumping up and down at the prospect of starting Madame Bovary. Madam Bovary was sitting next to Remus, closed on his bed covers: the true symbol of the problems between them.

James can't take it, and since he is already famous for not thinking, he decides not to. “Guys, weren't you going to start that other old sex book? Madame something?” Sirius doesn't even lift his eyes from his bikes’ magazine. Remus does lift his head, only to glare at James and go immediately back to his homework. James won't back down now, he can't. “Really? Not even fruity muggle novels can fix this?” Sirius looks up, shakes his head without looking at James, and goes back to his magazine. “James" Remus says, looking so calm it's almost icy, and catching James gaze with his own – and he freezes, almost starts shivering: angry Remus is terrifying, calm Remus could be a synonym of death “did you need something?”

And James Potter, thinker or not, knows exactly what he has to do to keep his life: he turns around, and leaves the room. This situation has gone too far, and he doesn't know how to solve it at all – hell, he doesn't even know what the damn problem is?! James sighs and breathes deeply, his eyes are hitching a bit. Damn it!

 ---------------

_Five days after the day after, Gryffindor’s common room, 10.22 P.M._

They're in the common room, and James feels exhausted. He feels the stress eating him from the inside, and not even Peter's deadly imitation of professor Slughorn is doing much for cheering him up. The common room looks the same as it did for years, but it feels deadly different: they're sitting on the big couch next to the fireplace, but despite Peter's effort there's just silence around them; Peter is sitting just beside James as usual, but he looks worried and almost scared; Remus is on the other end of the couch, deadly silent reading some potion essay. Sirius place, between James and Remus, usually sprawled on them with his head on Remus' laps and his legs on James', is empty. James looks up, it feels sad and empty even to himself.

Then, making a flicker of hope shine behind James eyes, Sirius appears in the common room. “Sirius!” he says, so happy his smile splits his face in two. Sirius gives him a tiny smile, clearly flattered by James' enthusiasm; but then he stops in front of them, fidgeting – and Sirius Black doesn't fidget, just as he doesn't blush. James feels his lower lip tremble and his eyes hitch, seeing Sirius so different kills him. And then, Sirius puts the last nail in James Potter’s coffin.

He looks around for almost a minute, he takes a deep breath, and then sits on the floor. On the floor, at Peter’s feet. Sirius Black, sitting on the floor. Not screaming and jumping and claiming the whole length on the couch as his own; not punching James in the abs to make him move; not plastering himself on Remus just to see him squirm. Sirius Black, sitting on the floor, silently.

James looks at him, so different from his usual self – he looks at Remus, so clearly on edge. And he can't take it anymore. James Potter looks up and covers his eyes with an arm. If a few tears get away from him, no one can really blame him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was chapter two! Next chapter we're going back to Sirius and Remus pov - hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

They get out of the Shrieking Shack laughing, and running, and still holding hands. The air is cold and they are too flushed, but it doesn't matter. Sirius has only his pants on and his tie hanging from his hair. Remus laughs because he is so funny and beautiful. “Sirius! You'll get sick without your shirt… do you want mine?”

“But if you give me your shirt, you'll stay without your shirt… because I will have it!” They both laugh, even if it isn't so funny. But they are happy and together and they can laugh without reason. “At least put your cloak on!” Remus almost screams to him. “You are so boring Moonshine! Come on!” He begins to run towards the Forbidden Forest and Remus can't help but running after him until Sirius stops.

“Oh oh.. I think I got lost. Moony, Moony, how will we come back?” Sirius says - puppy eyes. “You care?” Remus laughs. Sirius thinks about it and he is so beautiful with the frowning face. “I am in the forest, under the stars and the moon, I'm drunk and I have you! I could never want to come back!” He laughs, takes Remus arm and tugs him, running backwards. They fall on the wet grass - Remus on top of him, also shaking with laughter. Sirius looks at him - straight face.

“You know you are beautiful, Moony?” Remus - light-headed and with a smile on his face, leans over him and kisses him. It is a chaste kiss, a lips brushing, but it is the most wonderful feeling he has ever felt. The part of him who is still thinking straight, screams. It is wrong, he is his best friend. Remus seems wavering and gets away a little bit  from Sirius. He looks at him - trying to see disappointment on his face, but all he can see is desire. Sirius’ hands grab Remus’ shirt, he tugs him and kisses him again. His tongue enters Remus’ mouth and meets his. Sirius tastes like Firewhiskey, cigarette, hope and happiness. Sirius bites his lower lip and Remus moans on his lips. He can't lie to himself anymore, he always wanted him and now that it's happening, he would like to weep with joy.

“Remus.. Remus…” Sirius interrupts his thoughts. Remus looks at him - shortness of breath, red lips.

Sirius hands reach the buttons of his pants. “Please…I want to feel you.. ”Remus’ hands reach Sirius’, undecided if he has to stop him or let him do. But Sirius is too strong and Remus’ will too weak.

Sirius drops Remus’ pants and underwear all together while Remus is taking off his shirt. He takes off his shoes too and Sirius looks at him like he is seeing him for the first time.

Remus smiles at him. “You are too dressed…” Sirius smirks and gets naked too. They look at each other confused, turned on, hungry. Remus does the first move. He pounces on Sirius’ neck - kissing, licking and sucking it. Sirius moans shamelessly and raises his hips, hitting Remus’. When their cocks touch - for Remus, the world stops for a few seconds. The feeling is nameless. He takes Sirius’ cock with his right hand - it is so different from his but so familiar and it is like his hand was created to hold Sirius' cock. Sirius arches and moves frantically - he wants more and Remus wants to give it to him. His hand finally moves on his erection and Sirius almost cries. “Breathe, Sirius. Breathe…” Sirius - eyes closed, opens them and Remus thinks he is the most beautiful thing in the world, naked and under him. “Rem… I'm...I'm..“ He says breathless.

“Come for me.”

\---------------

Sirius gets in the shower, avoiding his own image in the mirror like the plague – anything to preserve the last breaths of his remaining mental health. Like, stop thinking about that damn night – that amazing, beautiful night that his mind will never let him forget.

_“Come for me.” Remus’ words echo in his mind for half a second, make him moan deliriously. He wants him, all of him, bad._

_He flips him over, ignoring his surprised gasp, and bites the sliver of skin just below his navel – the happy tail of brown hair pointing to the base of his cock is delicious, just like the taste of his sweat on his tongue._

Sirius breaths in and out, slowly, trying to calm his hormones down. He hates this, he hates that he likes this. He hates that every memory of Remus – his body, his smell, his sounds – makes him get hard in seconds. He is the shittiest friend ever, and he hates it. 

 _Sirius, face to face with what he could swear is the most magnificent cock ever existed, almost reconsiders the existence of some kind of deity. If not that, he now absolutely understands the need of worship: Remus Lupin's cock is worthy of that and more. It's big, first of all; bigger than Sirius' and James'. And thick, so that his weight feels heavy between Sirius’ fingers. He tastes sweet under his tongue, the head velvety and hard. His sack looks tight, the veins running on his cock full. It's beautiful, and Sirius wants to swallow it all._  

Sirius needs to stop thinking about it right now, before his hard on gets too uncomfortable do ignore. Before the guilt eats him up on the inside and destroys all of him. 

 _He manages to get just half of it in his mouth, at the beginning. He fondles his balls with his hand, and then stops to suck on them when they get too enticing to ignore. He goes back to the shaft and forces his mouth to take more, forces his throat to loosen around the heavy grit of Remus beautiful cock. He feels his nose bury between Remus' pubes and he almost can't believe he took it all, he swallows around it and Remus screams in pleasure. The hand in his hair tightens, Sirius looks up at Remus with his mouth still full of him. “Come here" Remus whispers, smiling at him._  

Sirius's eyes widen, his face pales. He switches the temperature from warm to ice cold. He has to stop before he breaks, he has to stop before it kills him. He stays under the cold water for a couple of minutes more, and then runs. He can't think about it, and he won't.

\---------------

“Come here" Remus whispers, smiling at him. He runs his fingers through Sirius' hair and pushes him back - his cock slides from Sirius’ wonderful lips. Sirius licks them looking at him - he is the most erotic view he ever saw, with shortness of breath and languid eyes. Remus flips him over - Sirius is underneath him again. His skin shines under the moonlight, making it whiter. Sirius opens his legs obscenely and raises them. It is a open invitation and Remus could come only looking at him.

Remus brings three fingers of his right hand to Sirius’ mouth, who opens it immediately. He lets them in and Sirius begins to suck them - his tongue hot on his fingers. Remus slides them and moves them from Sirius’ mouth to his chin, neck, chest, belly, navel, pubes and arrives to his ass.

Remus looks at him - he is asking him permission, and Sirius nods. He slides his middle finger inside him - gently, little by little and waits for Sirius’ reaction. Sirius closes his eyes and moans and Remus pulls it out and slowly pushes it inside again. After few pushes he pulls it out completely and slides two fingers inside him too fast. Sirius screams and Remus stops immediately.

“It hurts?” Remus asks, sweetly. “Burns…” Sirius takes several deep breaths - eyes closed. Remus still inside him. “Please..” He blushes. Remus moves his fingers, in and out, circling, opens them while he is stroking his chest with the free hand. Sirius is so beautiful that it hurts, and it does because he waited too long for this - and he knows everything will change between them, and guilt will kill him, but he can't stop thinking how beautiful he is and how perfect this moment is. It hurts because he knows he won't forgive himself and he won't forget all of this.

The third finger enters almost without problems and Sirius screams in pleasure. He get closer so Sirius’ face - his cock slides on Sirius’ and this little touch makes him gasp. He kisses him desperately and Sirius begins shaking. They are both on the edge, he knows it. “I can't… I can't… Please, Remus...I can't wait.” He tries to say. Remus slides his fingers from him - slowly, and looks at him.

Sirius, leaning on his elbows and lifting his torso, stares him for few second and turns around. Remus watches him get settled on knees and forearms on the ground - back arched and ass in the air. With the eyes wide open, shortness of breath and cheeks in flame, he hears Sirius beg him.

Forgive and forget - he will never be able to.

\--------------- 

Sirius has never paid attention to History of Magic, not once in his life; so it's not surprising, that now that he is trying to, he has no idea whatsoever that Professor Binn is talking about. Zero, nothing. And that's bad: if he can't pay attention, his mind will wonder. And, worse, his eyes will.

Remus, literally on the other side of the classroom, is taking notes – like always, with his muggle ballpoint pen. Sirius can't take his eyes off of him, he tries to and fails. Remus puts the back of his weird pen on his bottom lip, then opens his mouth and Sirius, for a mare second, sees the tip of his tongue. 

_His right cheek is planted on the grass, his knees and elbows are slowly getting redder and redder, the night wind blows on his open hole and he shivers. He is shamelessly showing all of his most embarrassing places to Remus, presenting them to him – he is never been more turned on in his whole life. Or so he thinks; but then Remus takes one cheek in each hand and spreads his ass even more, and Sirius finds himself reconsidering the idea of a deity again and again._

_“Merlin, Sirius". He feels Remus' breath against his hole as he speaks, he barely hears him under the loud sound of his own moans. At his moan, Remus’ hands tighten on his cheeks and, after a couple of seconds, he feels the light pressure of Remus' lips just where his back becomes the crack on his ass. He shivers, he can not believe Remus is going to do what he thinks he is going to do._

_Remus’ tongue touches his hole, and Sirius screams. There's not one thought in his mind, no other sensations other than the ones Remus is giving him, no world around him. Remus licks around him,  and Sirius throat hurts from screaming; then that glorious tongue enters him and Sirius can't take it, he is going to come. And in that moment, that – beautiful, amazing, unreal, extremely talented – telepathic, cruel man circles the base of his cock with his fingers and holds it tight._

_Sirius gasps, whines loudly – he wants to come so bad. “Not yet" Remus says, biting Sirius’ right cheek “I want to see you”. And Sirius, he realizes again and again, wants Remus’ cock inside him._

Sirius face is crimson, his hands are shaking and he feels a drop of sweat fall on his temple. He is ashamed, now – of what he did, of the sounds he made, of whole the shameful things he did and enjoyed that night. Sirius is hard, in class; something that never happened to him before and was actually what nightmares were made of. He is hard in class, because he can't stop thinking about Remus Lupin and his damn tongue – guilt and arousal are starting to mix up in Sirius’ mind: this is hell. 

\---------------

“I want to see you.” Remus says slipping one hand on his back and Sirius arches even more under his touch. He grabs him by his hips, turns him and makes him lay. “Please, Moony…” He breathes hard and surrounds Remus’ hips with his legs. ”Fuck me.”

Remus doesn't make him repeat twice. He aligns his cock with Sirius’ hole and begins to enter. Sirius is tight - he sees him clench his teeth and stiffen. “Keep going” he says, gasping and Remus keeps going until he is totally buried in Sirius.

The feeling is indescribable. Sirius is hot under him - around him. His body seems match completely with his. It feels like a dream, but Remus knows it is not a dream because he can't imagine something so beautiful. He can't understand how he was able to settle for hugs, and whispered words, and intertwined hands, and shy smiles, and accidental touches when there could have been all of this.

Sirius moans and wiggles his hips a little, and Remus understands he is ready. He pulls back - his cock slides from Sirius’ hole, and slowly but relentlessly enters his body. Sirius rolls his eyes and whispers something indecipherable. He pushes in his body again, and again, and again, and then he finds that spot. Sirius screams and raises a leg again his hip - shaking, making Remus slide in his body even more. Remus needs to touch him, he needs to kiss every inch of his body - he needs it like air. And he does it - he touches and kisses him, trying to impress in his mind his heat under his hands and his intoxicating scent. Sirius scratches his shoulders painfully, clings to him and moans in his ears. Remus grabs his wrists and forces them to the ground - on the sides of Sirius’ head, and stoops on him. He his only few inches away from his lips - both breathe in and out at the same time.

“Remus… Remus..” He shivers and looks at him right in his eyes. Remus sees himself in Sirius’ eyes. “Remus, I.. I..” Sirius looks like he is trying to say something, but - a second after, he presses his body against Remus’ even more and comes. “Sirius..” Remus says after few seconds - stopping, face worried. “Hey, what's wrong?”

“What? Nothing.” He answers, looking away. “Pads, you are crying..” He cleans the tears on his face with a thumb. “I'm.. what?” Sirius strokes his eyes and realizes he really is crying. “Oh God, I'm sorry..I'm so sorry.” “Look at me. Hey, Pads, look at me.” Sirius looks at him distraught - Remus can see anxiety in his eyes. “Did I hurt you?” Remus caresses Sirius’ cheeks gently. “No, no!” He says fast. ”It..it was so intense..too much and I… I..” Hot tears flow from his eyes. “I know. I felt it.” Remus realizes he is still inside him. “Oh..” He looks down and blushes. Sirius follows his look. “Please… I want you to come inside me.”

\---------------

Hogwarts is too small - Sirius feels like he is going crazy, and thinking that that big ass castle is small is the ultimate proof. It's not that the castle suddenly shrank, his thoughts got bigger: too big to fit his mind, his body, this whole damn castle. Sirius is going crazy, he is slowly giving in.

He enters the dorm room silently, guilt gripping him from the inside. James is stalking Lily, Peter with him and Remus is probably in the library - there's no one there, he is alone. He lies on his bed, unblinking eyes staring up at the bed posts, and in a second his mind is back in the woods.

_Remus skin was soft all over, but uneven too – the scars were velvety, while the rest of the skin silky. He tasted salty, his sweaty shoulder did – but his mouth was bitter from alcohol and sweet from chocolate. His smelled like the earth, at night, maybe after a good downpour – but also like Remus, his own smell, one part dust and two parts old books._

Sirius is hard, so incredibly aroused and just as guilty – but this time he can't stop, he is not strong enough. He is alone, the room is silent, and his cock painfully hard.

_His tongue was like magic - in his mouth, on his skin, inside of him. His hands big and strong – on his hips, on his cheeks, probing the inside of his mouth. His cock was just. Too much – too big, too hot, too fucking amazing._

Sirius has an hand on his cock, stroking hard and fast, and he is close. Remus is his friend, and he is the worst; but he has never been more turned on than that night, never come as hard.

_Remus, balls deep inside of him, was a vision: red bitten lips, sweaty forehead and clenching muscles. He fucked him hard and fast, deep and full – and Sirius saw stars, constellations, galaxies and the moon. Remus came inside him, and Sirius never felt anything like it._

Sirius comes, that sensation burned in his memory – and just seconds after, he feels guiltier than ever. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was a lot of smut. Let us know if you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

James Potter, at the crack of dawn, sitting on the floor in front in the Gryffindor common room, physically feels his mental sanity slipping further and further away from him. The more time passes, the more confused he is - this whole thing, he can say almost certainly, will be the death of him.

“Potter?” It's Lily Evans’ voice, but not even the gentle notes of his dream girl can shake him. “It's five in the morning, what are you doing here?” And James wants to answer, really; but what is he doing? Thinking? Trying to find a pattern, a reason to an endless series on unreasonable behaviors? Mourning the end of the best friendships a man could ask for? James doesn't know, he doesn't know anything at all.

“Potter? You're worrying me” James feels a hand on his shoulder, and looks up - and it's Lily Evans’ face, proof that beauty does indeed exist in this twisted world, that cracks him up. He feels the tears fall on his cheeks, his vision gets blurred, and then he is sobbing - rather loudly, in Evans' laps. It could be a magical experience: she doesn't push him away, and even pets his head a couple of times; it's such a waste that he can't even enjoy it, in his sad state.

“Okay” Lily says soothingly, when James’ cries get a little quieter “take a deep breath, and tell me what happened”. James does, not only because Lily is talking to him, but also because he could really use the help. “My head was killing me, and Remus wanted to kill me” he says, between hiccups, looking up at Lily blurry figure “and they eyes never left their plates, what is so interesting about tost? And at potions, Sirius appeared beside me, Remus barked and Peter squeaked!”. James is on a rant, he can't stop - he hears his voice rising, his sobs increasing and he sees Lily's face looking more and more confused. “Sirius refused to shower! His hair were dripping with sweat and he refused to wash them! And the girly stories! They love the girly stories, why weren't they reading their girly stories!?” James is screaming, and Lily is looking at him in the only reasonable way: like he finally went down the deep end of craziness. Still, he can't stop. “Sirius set on the floor! ON THE FLOOR!” His sobs sound pathetic, even to his own hears - but he can't even feel ashamed of it, he is too damn confused. And frustrated. And scared.

“Okay” Lily says again, still calm but not as composed - she is looking at him like she is a minute away from calling madam Pomfrey to ask about his evidently degenerated mental condition. James doesn't blame her, he might even suggest it at this point. “let's try again, shall we?” She pats his forehead, looks at him right in the eyes. “Take a deep breath” she says, with the same gentleness usually reserved to small animals and toddlers “and tell me what happened, slowly. Use your words”. 

James takes a deep breath, and starts over.“I don't know” he says, forcing the words between hiccups “that's the problem: it's been a week, they aren't talking and I don't even know why!” Lily clears her voice, puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes lightly, making him sit up. “Who?” she asks, with the same voice his mom used when he scratched his knees as a kid “who isn't talking?” “Sirius and Remus” he says, blowing his nose in the handkerchief Lily gave him at some point “at all. Almost. Not to each other though, they’re not even looking at each other”.

“Okay” Lily says, nodding seriously - she almost stopped looking at him like he is nuts, almost “you don't know what happened between them: have you tried asking?” Her words echo in James’ mind for a couple of infinite seconds, and then a blinding smile blooms on his face - that's it! That's the idea! A splendid, amazing, genius idea! “Lily Evans!” he says, standing up proudly - he is a man on a mission “you're a genius!”. He says, and runs away: he has a plan now, and it's going to work.

\---------------

He can do this. He can totally do this. He will go to Sirius and Remus and he will talk to them. He has to be smart, ask the right questions, read between the lines. Self-confident, subtle but incisive, calm and professional, straight to the point. It will be easy. He will talk slowly, ask them what is going on, keep Remus’ teeth far from his jugular and keep Sirius’ hands far from his face.

Easy peasy. He can do this.

\---

James decides to talk to them - absolutely separated, after lunch. He walks in the dorm room where Sirius is lying on his bed - eyes up. He can do this.

“Sirius! Mate! How are you?” James smiles nervously, beginning to sweat.

Sirius continues to stare at ceiling. “What kind of question it is?”

Things don't look fine. “I'm only asking how my best mate is.” Sirius finally looks at him - glazed look.

“What do you want, Prong?”

\---

Remus is in the library - obviously, curved on a very huge Potions book. “Moony! Is everything okay?”

“Why shouldn't it be?” Remus looks at him for a few seconds - suspicious, and then returns to look at his book.

“I'm trying to have a conversation.” James shrugs, trying to seem casual.

“What do you want?”

\---

Jame sits on Sirius’ bed, next to him.

“I was wondering if you have something you want to tell me.” Sirius always talks to him about everything - from the most stupid thing, to most important. He will talk to him.

“Nha, I don't think so.” He won't talk to him.

\---

James is torturing his lower lip with the teeth. His mission is pitifully failing. “There is something you want to tell me?”

Remus looks like he is thinking something important. “Yes…”

James’ face lights up with a huge smile. It's working!

“Yes? Yes! What?”

“What a sunny day uh?” No, it's not working.

\---

James’ stretched smile falls down. ‘Come on, James. Don't give up.’

He puts a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Pads, talk to me.”

“What? What do I have to tell you?”

“I don't know, whatever?”

“You have a nice shirt today.” James looks down and sighs. He has the same usually blue shirt today. Fucking Merlin.

\---

Remus has always been the more thoughtful of his friends. He can do a proper conversation with him. He has to believe it. “Mooooony!”

“Please, James. I am studying.” He is really really bothered, he can sees this by the way he ticks his pencil on the book.

“There is something going on with you…”

He slums an hand on the library table. “Yes, my fucking Potions essay.”

Everyone turns towards them.

\---

James is going to play his last card and he knows it might cost him his life. ‘I will love you forever, Evans!’

“There is a problem? Maybe with Remus?”

Sirius quickly turns towards him and stares - eyes open and shocked face. Then his look hardens and his hands begin to shake.

It is a reaction - not one of the most calm, but at least is a reaction.

\---

Remus will kill him, he knows it for sure.

“Something happened with Sirius?” Now James’ hands are shaking, because Remus is looking at him with a killing face that is scaring him a lot. His head is screaming ‘ABORT MISSION’, but James shuts it up trying to act calm. Remus closes his eyes, breathes deeply - James thinks he is trying to find some reasons to not kill him.

He is ready to scream and run, but Remus suddenly calms down and returns to look at his Potions book.

\---

He played his last card and it didn't work. He doesn't want to, but he has to play his backup card - the pity one.

“Sirius, mate, I know there is something going on. You don't want to tell me what it is, and it's okay. But if I can help somehow - please, let me help you. I see you staying awake at night. You can't sleep, I see it. I saw you last night. You were fucking mooning all night on only Merlin knows what!”

Sirius pales, stuttering something incomprehensible. Then he screams keenly and runs away.

\---

“Remus, Moony. Talk to me. You know we can fix everything is going on. Okay? We are friends and it hurts me to see you like this. If you talk to me, I will help you. Whatever happened, I won't judge you or tell anyone. Believe me. We can fix everything.” James is so proud of himself, but no reaction arrives from Remus. He is going to cry. “Can you even look at me?”

“No.”

He snaps. “Are you fucking serious?!?”

Remus pales and opens and closes his mouth several times. “You - you.. “

He stands up - too fast, and his chair falls to the ground with a thud. He grabs confusedly his paper and runs away.

\---

Mission failed.

\---------------

The mission failed. Even the brilliant, genius, revolutionary plan made by the one and only Lily Evans, failed miserably when faced with the disastrous prediction James Potter is currently facing. Never, not even in his worst nightmares, he would have imagined that the ones to cause his final departure from life would be his own very best friends: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were killing him.

He could see it clearly, when the old mug that was once his face stared back at him from the mirror: his skin was grey and pale, the shadow under his eyes a blackish shade of purple, and a collection of rather impressive age lines appeared on his once beautiful skin. He looked thirty-something, maybe forty: his forehead - and James could swear he saw the lines, it was not the stress messing with his head - is full of them, like the edge of his eyes. The madness, he realizes, kills you faster than anything else ever could.

He is ready to get out of the bathroom, and face the music again, when he sees it. A white hair. One, single stead of silver mixed with his beautiful black curls. And that's it: James Potter, beloved son and loyal friend, can't take anything more. It's their fault, Sirius' and Remus' - their unexplainable situation is draining his youth and beauty, and he can not stand it anymore.

Before he even knows what he is doing, he storms out of the bathroom. His eyes fall on Sirius, then on Remus, and the on their wands - on the floor between dirty socks and on the nightstand, respectively. They look at him, surprised and concerned - the rage he is feeling must be showing on his face too, no doubt. “This has been going long enough” he says, grabbing the wands and marching toward the door “you are going to solve this, and you are doing it right now!”. He exists from the room, bangs the door closed, and seals it with a spell.

There, he did it. May they kill each other or actually solve whatever problem they have - when the door opens, it will be over. James Potter slides on the floor, and stares at the distance, motionlessly. _It will be over soon_ , he hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one! We really had fun writing this, hope you had fun reading it!


	5. Chapter 5

Lily is walking in the hallway towards the Gryffindor tower - her head dangles almost imperceptibly with every step. She was in the library, trying to learn that dates of that Third World Elves Walkout, but her mind was somewhere else. She noticed something weird between those three dorks and Remus - because yes, Remus was a little sweet angel compared to them. No pranks for a whole week, no detentions, no attempts from Potter to conquer her, not anything about anything. Maybe for everyone else it could seems like an argument, a misunderstanding, but for her - Lily Evans, there is something deeper and this something is between Sirius and Remus.

She sees how they look at each other - or better, how they _don't look_ at each other. She sees when Remus stares at Sirius’ back and his hands made into fists with the fingernails stuck in the palms. She sees when Sirius bites his lower lip trying to keep his hands from shaking.

And Potter - James asshole Potter, cried. He sobbed - basically in her arms, trying to explain the weird behavior of those two. Lily didn't totally understand what he was saying but she can tell that it was a big deal - at least for him. Seeing him so sad, so devastated, so worried - so _different_ , made her perfect world, where James Potter was an hopeless dumbass, cease to exist.

With these too noisy thoughts, she arrives in front of the Fat Lady.

“Amor caecus.” She says to the painting.

“Miss Ginger, they are killing each other!” The Fat Lady is theatrical and dramatic as always.

“What? Who?”

“THE BOYS! TWO B- ” She stops falsely thoughtful. “maybe three… THREE BOYS ARE SCREAMING AND KILLING EACH OTHER! Oh Saint Merlin, the brave and the good-hearted and the noble house of Godric Gryffindor - “ She puts the back of her right hand on her forehead, faking a fainting. “tarnished by two - three boys… I can't stand, I can't even - “ Lily interrupts by pointing her wand to her. “Let me pass or I swear to God I - “

“Calm down, miss Rude Ginger.” Finally she moves and lets her pass.

Lily runs up the stairs. It's not so hard to believe that Potter, Sirius and Remus are killing each other - maybe they are dragging into this murder-suicide even Pettigrew. But when she arrives in front of the boys’ dorm room, the situation is totally different.

James Potter sitting against the wall - knees to his chest and three wands at his feet. Remus and Sirius are hitting hard the door and screaming.

“PRONG, LET ME OUT IMMEDIATELY!”

“JAMES POTTER, I SWEAR I WILL TEAR YOU APART! AND YOU KNOW THAT I CAN!”

Lily looks at him, with many questions in her mind – In what alternative world did she end up into? Potter raises his head - eyes full of tears. “I locked them in, it's the only solution.” And the tears starts to flow. 

\---------------

The absurd, tragic parallel world Lily Evans has clearly ended up in gets weirder and weirder by the second - she is already exhausted, she doesn’t know if she has the strength to deal with James Potter. Threats of bloody and violent deaths, aimed at James Potter, keep coming from the inside of the room; while Potter himself is curled up on the floor, hands on his face to cover up a river of tears, rocking slightly back and forth like a traumatized child. “Lily” he says, suddenly - looking up at her with desperate, full of tears eyes “did I just kill my best friends?”  And, well: the noises from the room did suddenly stop; but Lily will never believe that little angel Remus would ever do anything that rush. And Sirius, while a complete careless idiot with barely one functioning brain cell, is loyal to a fault. There will be no dead bodies, probably some scratch and a lot of bruises.

“No, James” she says softly, even bowing down to look at stupid Potter in the eyes - yes, he looks that bad “they probably just need some time”. She doesn’t think that right now is the time to point out the faults in James’ strategy, or how counterproductive it could end up being. Whatever is happening between Remus and Sirius is, after all, bad enough to make them stop talking to each other. “I’m sure” she says, patting his shoulder lightly, trying not to let the fakeness of the gesture show too much “that they will be alright” James Potter reaction, even with her great efforts, his just higher sounding sobs and another river of tears - really, when did all of this become her problem anyway? Lily really is too tired for this.

“They will be alright, they will be alright …” becomes Potter’s mantra, and since it’s clear that she can’t actually help his mental stability that much, she puts an ear on the closed door. Whispers, they’re quiet and hushed, but Lily can hear them. On instinct, she smiles down at Potter: if Sirius and Remus are already at the point of actually talking to each other, maybe it is not impossible for them to work out whatever their problem may be - the talking and the whispering, however, nag a little corner of Lily’s mind. That little, suspicious corner that sees glances and touches is screaming at her own mind - deeper feeling, bigger problems.

And then Lily hears it, even under the loudness of Potter’s pathetic sobs; she hears it loud and clear and suddenly everything makes sense: kissing noises. One, single smacking sound and their fight is suddenly a lovers quarrel - are they lovers? Were they lovers before the fight? Did they get together? Did one of them confess and made things awkward? Lily wants to ask James, but something tells her - his incessant weeping about not knowing what the problem was -  that he knows even less then her.

The noises become a litany, smacking sounds and making out sounds, and Lily is actually surprised that James hasn't noticed yet - Lily is kind of captivated by them, if you listen closely you can almost see their tongues intertwining just from those sounds. A moan, loud and downright obscene, echoes in the corridor - _“Oh Merlin, yes!”_ breathy, and heavy, and very distinctly Sirius’ voice. Really, Lily is way too tired for this.

\---------------

_“Oh fuck, Sirius! You are killing me!”_

“Lily! Listen to them! They are killing each other!” And yes, she knows James Potter is an idiot; but this is too much even for him. She stares at him, shocked while the moans - Jesus, Remus’ moans, are getting louder and louder.

“James Potter, are you serious?” she asks, hoping that his mind will eventually starts working again.  “No - ” He cries. “I'm James! Sirius is in there!” He starts mumbling something about Sirius, Remus, murders, funerals, Quidditch, dead bodies, and Lily swears she heard the world ‘roast chicken’.

Lily grabs his face in her hands and looks at him straight in the eyes. “James Potter, they are not killing each other.” He sniffles three times. ”And stop crying, for God's sake!”

“Lily, they - ”

“No James! Listen to them, listen to them carefully.” She says, almost losing her temper.

 _“Yes, yes! Suck me, suck me like this.”_ \- other moans and a scream badly suppressed - _“Fuck, I'm - I'm coming… ”_

James’ eyes becomes wide open and his mouth opens. He pales and the next moment blushes - filled with shame. And in that right moment Lily Evans figures out that the innocence of the poor little James, is definitely gone. And, obviously, James Potter starts crying. Again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and leaving us comments or kudos, this has been a lot of fun! Bye!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! We actually know each other in real life - for, like, ten years - just found out we actually are both in this fandom. So, this is what happened. Hope you'll like it! 
> 
> (English is not our first language, so ... there may be errors)


End file.
